Do you want this?
by HideAway Kiwi
Summary: Fate stared long and hard while carefully thinking everything through. "Nanoha, the real question is... Do you want this?"


People see me as loving, kind, and friendly but there are things they don't see.

They don't see how much I **hate** the people that insist on crowding around _her_.

They don't see how **angry** I get when I can't finish a sentence because someone I don't even know interrupts me when I'm talking with _her_.

They don't see the tears I **cry** when I think everything is hopeless for whatever future I _wish_ we could have.

They don't see that within the crowd, _I_ am truly **lonely**.

And no one, least of all _her,_ can see that I'm just getting **sick** and **tired** of it all.

I just know that one way or another, the distance between us will grow and grow **and** **grow**...

–

"Nanoha! She's here! I hope you're up!"

The brunette stirred in bed but did not remove herself from under the covers, instead, she simply pulled a pillow over her head to block out the repeating calls that told her a certain girl was downstairs. Nanoha was too tired to do anything today, she got very little sleep do to repeating thoughts, a few hours of training, and that seven page report she had to finish for school. If anything, she hoped the voices downstairs would stop and leave her alone. She just wanted to sleep freely_._

"Nanoha?!" Yelled the girls father. Again she stirred but now the pillow was being held tightly against her ears and face, almost making it hard for her to breathe. Normallyshe wouldn't skip school, but on a day like this, she didn't want to go and she didn't want to care about anything. Thing is, she _did _care. She cared about a lot of things. That's why when she heard that soft and lovely voice she threw the pillow off towards the side, but refused to make any eye contact.

"Nanoha... You should get up. School will start soon. If you get ready now we can still make it in time."

"I don't feel well," was the calm, plain reply.

"I think you're just fine," said the blond as she sat on the girls bed and looked at her with begging eyes. She knew her friend had never skipped school and if anything, she wouldn't let the girl start now. She would do whatever it took to get her out of bed.

"You wouldn't know, you're not me."

Fate was caught slightly off guard but decided not think too much on what the girl said.

"Indeed I'm not, but I know you well enough to know if you're sick or not. So please, get up."

"You won't give up, will you?"

"Of course not," the blond said with a smile.

"... I guess I don't really have a choice."

"You always have a choice."

"So if I decide not to go?"

"Then that's Nanoha's choice. If you did that, I would have the choice of deciding whether I can haul you off to school or not."

Nanoha sat up and got off her bed, leaving so that she could head into the bathroom.

"Don't take too long..."

"...Yeah." Nanoha said as she closed the door.

For some reason, no matter what Fate would say, Nanoha would listen even if it was something she didn't want to hear. It was almost as if... Fate had some kind of strange control over her, and she hated it. Because that very voice that would speak, would make her mind block everyone but Fate.

After putting her school clothes on, Nanoha washed her face and let some of the water drop into the sink, before looking up to the mirror.

"What the hell is wrong with you..." She asked her reflection.

"You need to act like your normal- kind, self. You _have _to." She said as she burned the words into her head, as if doing so would make them come true.

Nanoha let out a loud sigh and opened the door.

"Sorry... Fate-Chan...I just felt a little grumpy this morning... Anyway, let's get going!" She cheered with a bright smile, only making the blond stare somewhat confused before making a smile of her own.

"A-Alright."

---

Avoid her. That was the plan. Wasn't it? If so... Then why was it that Nanoha was sitting with Fate and some other girls while listening to their plans for the school teams and dances...

"_Stupid council... Why do they... Why did I... Damn it! Why am I getting angry?!" _Nanoha thought quietly to herself.

"_Nanoha..." _Fate called telepathically.

The brunette turned to look at the blond but found that she was still having a conversation with the girls, her eyes not even taking a glance at her.

"_Yes... Yes, Fate-Chan?"_

"_Is... Something wrong?"_

"_No... Not at all."_

"_I'm sorry but... I can't believe that... You've been acting weird... Not today, but many times before as well."_

Nanoha held her chopsticks tightly, trying to keep her facial expression from showing any emotion. She hated how she could pick up on her feelings... It always made her mouth speak the words she didn't want to say...

"_It's nothing Fate-Chan."_

"_Don't say it's nothing! Nanoha, I can see you hurting!"_

Nanoha swallowed hard and took some rice into her mouth, not bothering to respond to the blond

"_Nanoha, say something!"_

"_I'm not going to say anything Fate-Chan..."_

"_Nanoha!"_

The girl smiled slightly, grabbed her plate, and stood up before jumping at the sound of something slamming onto the table.

"NANOHA!" Fate yelled, making the area around them go quiet.

"You're making a scene, Fate-Chan."

"I don't care if I'm making a scene!" Fate walked over to Nanoha and stared her down with begging eyes. "Tell me what's wrong!"

Nanoha thought long and hard before asking herself what was wrong. What was it that was changing her so much?

"... I..."

Fate was her friend... And as much as she wanted to be her girlfriend... The fact was, she wasn't... So why did she have to act so... That was it...

"I'm selfish Fate-Chan... I'm really selfish... So much that I..." The smile she once had returned, along with tears that slid down her face.

"So much that I'm letting myself go and hurting you at the same time!"

_I'm not hurting because of her... I'm hurting because of me... How could I blame her all this time...I'm the one that's ruining our... Friendship..._

"Nanoha... What are you-"

"I want you all to myself... I want you to be _mine_... And _mine alone_... I don't see you as a friend anymore Fate-Chan... " Nanoha spoke softly as she cried to her words, somewhat happy that she could finally say them... But scared that she'll be pushed away.

"But I ask of you... To forgive me for this last selfish act..."

Suddenly Nanoha's hands were on Fate's shoulders, making her tense greatly. The girl didn't do anything but watch as their lips came closer together, making her heartbeat become louder than her own thoughts.

"Fate-Chan... Please stop me now if you don't want this... Please..."

Fate searched Nanoha's eyes, wondering if she said that to sign that she really didn't want to kiss her. Nanoha was making it hard to figure out what she wanted. Fate took a deep breath and grabbed Nanoha's hand.

"Nanoha..."


End file.
